FW 26 and 27: Too Nice = Contempt; + Social Success
Here are a few notes pertaining to video 26 of the Original 1922 FW pamphlet 3. We are beginning Chapter 6 entitled, “Winning a Man’s Admiration.”
Regarding people who try to hard to please others: “Their fault consists in being too servile, thinking too much of us and too little of themselves. We are glad to accept the respect and approval of our equals, but we are little flattered by the toadying of those who manifestly consider themselves our inferiors.”
FW26: Why Being “Too Nice” Breeds Contempt
Mr. Collins from Pride and Prejudice is a good example of someone who is servile and “toadies” to people he considers his “superiors.” Here are two of the men who played Mr. Collins:
When Good Women are Unattractive
“Why is her society, except when she can do us a favor, distasteful to us? Because she lacks pride and self-respect…..
“If, on the other hand, she maintains her pride and self-respect, and demands our appreciation of them, we look upon her drudgery as a noble, self sacrificing expression of an adorable character, and expression worthy of reverence instead of contempt.”
What the “Popular” Girl Lacks
“Often such women win the title of ‘good fellow’ among the men; but……the fact that they hold nothing sacred, either in themselves or in others, discredits our conception of he divinity of woman and ultimately arouses contempt in men and women alike.
“There is no toadying, cringing, diffidence, or servility here. Their offence lies in not having such an opinion of all mankind, themselves included. Though maintaining their equality with all others, they insist upon bringing all others down to their own coarse, vulgar, brutish conception of humanity. They ignore the finer qualities that distinguish humans from brutes – the sensitiveness, the modesty, the reverence for our own persons and those of others, the passionate clinging to high ideals of thought and conduct, the horror with which we regard the violation of sacred traditions and honored conventions. In trampling rough-shod upon the finer sensibilities in themselves and us, they show a contempt for and a lack of pride in humanity that offends nearly everyone with whom they come in contact.”
“The Kind of Men to Avoid”
“….Her lack of pride and self-respect, her lack of reverence for her own sex, her lack of modesty and sensitiveness, arouse in the men a contempt that an otherwise perfect character cannot overcome. With the great majority of men, pride and self-respect are absolutely the first essentials for the woman who is to be a wife. The kind of men who do not insist upon these essentials are the kind of men to whom no girl should dare to trust her future happiness.
“The pride we here speak of is not the false pride which has borne the censure of philosophers and teachers from time immemorial. It is not the conceited and arrogant pride which Sir Thomas More berates in his Utopia….”
The Right Use of Pride
“Instead of being aggressive, bragging, or overbearing, true pride is contented, quiet, and considerate of others….”
FW27: Social Success
How to Overcome Fear
John Locke wrote: “not to think meanly of ourselves, and not to think meanly of others.”
“…requires you to associate as frequently as possible with the persons who abash you, thus overcoming your fear by familiarity…”
I highly suggest reading Myka Meirs book Modern Etiquette Made Easy. She has a few videos to go along with the book, as well. This book is also excellent for a graduation gift for high school or college (in addition to $$$) because it deals with business etiquette the young person will need to know.
The Way of Social Success
“….the only difference between you is that you do not think highly of what you are and have, while the other does….
“…just because she has done or can do things that I cannot is no reason for thinking she is better than myself, for I haven’t even tried. I am sure that if I did try, hard enough and long enough, I would prove myself her equal in every respect.
“She will pick out the defects in herself that keep people from appreciating her at her full value, and her pride will never rest satisfied until those defects are remedied.
“Only when she has not sufficient pride to put forth the necessary effort, will she fail to win the respect of her associates.”
Removing Your Handicaps
“The very sensitiveness with which you respond to the tactics of the snob is an indication that you in reality are of finer mettle and more exquisite sensibilities than she.
“…she will respect you for your superiority to her vulgarity. The snob cannot help feeling a wholesome admiration for those who are superior to her attack….
“…look at wealth and poverty from all sides, prove to yourself that they are only two little things among hundreds of others equally important, ridicule yourself for thinking they are the only things on earth to think about…”
Plus several stories thrown in.
May God bless you as you throw off thinking meanly of yourself, and learn to walk in the Joy of the Lord, which is your strength. (Nehemiah 8:10)
Janine
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