Dear Young Women


 Biblical Womanhood

Dear Young Women,

Several years ago, a good friend’s teenage daughter was taking a weekend retreat where each girl would have her own cabin and was to use the time to seek the Lord’s face and His wisdom for her life. No phones or other electronics were allowed. Mothers and Christian women friends were encouraged to give life advice in a letter. I thought I would share my letter, because it pretty much sums up everything I blog about.

Dear Gina,

I’m thrilled you are on this path to seek Christ’s will for your life!

In homeschooling, we have a saying, “Heaven, not Harvard.”  We want our children to do well in life, and go to college if that is right for them, but our life goal for them is not going to an ivy league college, having a high paying job, and being happy.  Our life goal for them is to have a personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ and to do His will.  We want our children, and grandchildren, and all the generations, in heaven with us for eternity.  Your whole life will be drastically impacted by your walk with Christ.

At the end of your life will you be able to look back and say that you knew Christ personally?  That He directed your paths?  That you stayed close to His side?  

Did you do His will?  Did you care for those in need?  Did you give your money, your time, your talent to helping others?  Did you care for your parents, siblings, the elderly, your neighbors, and most importantly, your own spouse and children?  We don’t want our children growing up to make a lot of money but neglect everything of true importance in life…people. 

We also don’t want our children growing up to care for strangers while neglecting the care of their own children.  Too many women neglect their children for careers.  The majority regret it after retirement, because their children are not close to them, and they see what they have missed by putting materialism and “personal fulfillment” before the personal care of their own children.

[Illustration – Maria Fabrizio for NPR]

Gina, I’m so happy that you are at this retreat and are actually thinking and planning about the future, while putting Christ front and center in your life! 

I look around me at all the women who waited too long to have children and regret it.  Some nursing homes have asked people what their biggest regrets are.  The report I read many years ago said that at the end of life the majority of women lament, “Why didn’t I have more children?”  Lately, women in their sixties and up are lamenting, “Why didn’t I care for my own children?”  You only get the one chance. 

When your children are in preschool, and then elementary school, there is only that one period of time to read certain books and play certain games with them.  After age 11, they are too old for those things that many parents never get around to doing. These times go by so quickly, and too many women are missing the joy of being home with their children.

I didn’t meet my husband until I was 33 and he was 39.  We were married at the year mark of meeting because we knew our time to have children was limited.  We were right.  As you know, we were only able to have one child.  In this regard, younger IS better – don’t believe the lie that you have plenty of time.  Today, many women wait too long and regret it.  Of course, I’m not telling you to marry the first man you meet so you can have kids in your twenties, I’m just telling you not to believe the “plenty of time” myth.  Yes, wait for the right man to marry!  No, don’t keep holding off on having children!

In my twenties I lived with a man, even though I was raised in a Christian home and I knew better.  I regret it.  If we had married instead of living together, we might still be married.  But there is an unspoken truth – NO ONE expects a live-in casual relationship to EVER work out – and it never does.  There is no support.  Emotionally or financially.  If we had married, we not only would have started out our marriage with family and friends’ support and financial/household gifts, but most importantly, we would have had God’s blessing on our marriage.  When you live with a man who isn’t your husband you forgo God’s blessings on your relationship.  You are living in a counterfeit relationship and do not receive God’s marriage blessings.  I don’t think women ever hear this message anymore, and I want to encourage you to not take this lightly, and I hope you can encourage other young women to also follow what the Bible says about relationships.

Several years ago I listened to a lawyer on the radio as he answered calls.  Every single call could have been prevented if the callers had simply followed the Scriptures, especially the 10 Commandments.  The majority were about children conceived out of wedlock and child support.  While I’m glad children are no longer called illegitimate and the stigma is gone (I’d rather see a woman keep her baby and not be married than abort it), the trend of having children without marriage creates a whole host of problems and heartbreak, and life is just simpler when following God’s natural order for families.

The world tells us that debt is good, marriage isn’t necessary, and that children are a burden.  But the Word of God tells us the opposite! 

  • Habakkuk 2:7 –  Suddenly, your debtors will take action.  They will turn on you and take all you have, while you stand trembling and helpless.  (Many of us, myself included, have had to learn the hard way about debt.  Try to learn the easy way!  Don’t get into school, car, or credit card debt!)
  • 1 Corinthians 7:2 – But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.  (This would seem to be a no-brainer, but our culture today doesn’t seem to grasp it.  Marriage matters.  You WILL eventually regret all sexual relationships in which you were not married.  So stand strong!  Lean on Jesus and not on a man who is not your husband.)
  • Psalm 127:3-5a – Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.  Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior’s hands. How joyful is the man (and woman) whose quiver is full of them!

There are many Biblical Womanhood verses in the Bible that are meant for our good, and to keep us from harm. One that is so quickly read, but packed full of important guidance, is:

  • Titus 2:3-5 – The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

I’m so pleased that you are studying the Scriptures for yourself and are taking His Word seriously.

This retreat is a great time in your life to stop and ask yourself what you want your life to look like.  For many years, every New Year’s Day I would ask myself, “If I could live the most joyous and fulfilling life I could imagine, what would it look like?” and “If my life ended in the year 20xx what would I regret not having or doing?” and I looked around and asked myself, “What exactly do I need to live?”  The first time I did this was time consuming.  But over the years my answers didn’t change much.  My main regret was that I didn’t have children.  I planned what my perfect day and week would look like, and I’m amazed that I have been living out my answers for 17 years now!  

Put your goals on paper and you’ll be amazed at how they turn out if it is within God’s will!  He will nudge you to cross things out that aren’t in His will, or for your best interest, if you ask Him.

As a Titus 2 woman in your life, and since you have committed your life to Christ, and since your mom invited me to write this letter, I have no qualms in telling you to run from how the world lives and to follow God’s path.  You already have a great start in life. 

Having a “good life” is much easier when you know your Bible, what it says, and live by it.  It takes about nine months to read through the OT, and three months to read the NT.  Begin and end with the New Testament.  Read straight through or chronologically of when the books were written.  You may think you know the Bible, but when you read straight through it you learn so much more! 

When you have that personal relationship with Christ, you can pray and ask the Holy Spirit to guide you. He will help you find the truth, and speak truth.

I’m so glad you are on the straight and narrow path!  I’m proud of you for seeking Him. 



First you make your decisions, then your decisions make you.  ~Howard Hendricks


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