FW 16: The Enchanted Cottage (video FW 2.5)

 

This post goes with the FW teachings in Pamphlet 2:  FW2.1 - 2.4, so be sure to listen to those videos first (or after this one) in the playlist.

This post is the same as video, except that in this post the pictures are in different places. If you want to wash dishes while listening, place your phone where you can see the pictures change about every 34 seconds.

The Enchanted Cottage is a lovely story about a man who brings his fiancée to look at a cottage where he wants to spend their honeymoon.  Legend has it that couples who stay there and engrave their names on the diamond-pane glass windows with their wedding ring go on to have glorious marriages.

 

 But prior to the wedding he gets called away to war, and upon his return, his fiancée is repulsed by his newly disfigured face.

Despondent, he leaves her and decides to hide from the world for awhile at the Honeymoon Cottage he had booked.  While there, he is waited upon by a very homely maid.

This mouse of a girl, almost afraid of her own shadow, serves him his meals in his room as he refuses to leave it on most days.  She does the housework around him and cares for his daily needs.

 

 Eventually they begin talking, and as time goes by, their discussions go deeper and last longer.

Over time they each begin to notice that the other isn’t as homely as they once thought; in fact, he is looking downright handsome, and she beautiful!

What enchantment is this?

To find out, you’ll have to watch the movie!

But I can give you a hint… The more you daily serve someone, the more you begin to care for that person’s overall welfare.  This is true in the home, and it is true in the workplace.  That is one big reason why office romances blossom.  Proximity, striving for one goal, commiserating, and service to each other in little ways, connects people and sometimes little acts of kindness eventually blossom into love. When you repeatedly serve someone, you begin to care for them. 

9 to 5 wife

If you are a wife to a man who works closely with another woman, you can make your presence known by…presents.

If she is a helper to him at work, send her a card thanking her for making his days go smoothly at work.  If you have children, be sure to include a special drawing from them for her, thanking her for being a help to their daddy.

If she’s not a subordinate assistant, but has the same job title, you can still get to know her, and a birthday and Christmas card would be appropriate.

And of course, small (or large if you can afford it!) gifts during certain holidays are a must, especially if they are picked out just for her.

Endear yourself to this woman so that she will never get it into her mind to supplant you.

At Home

When you love someone, your husband, your children, your parents, your siblings, your friends, you serve them in a variety of ways.

The more you serve your husband’s needs and do things with him in mind (and I’m not talking about being a servant – I’m talking about being a helpmeet), the more you will find yourself loving him.

 

Here is the KEY to being a helpmeet versus what we sometimes call “helping” – when we “suggest” things we want done our way but it comes across as “mothering” or nagging to him, such as, “You are going to wear your grey suit, right?” The Key is…. you ask him what he wants your help with. 

Otherwise, if it is on his page, it stays on his page. If you actually ask him what he wants your help with, I think you’ll be surprised at his answer!

We all know that many successful men have a wife helping him excel and helping him make both big and small decisions at home. One way is just by helping him look his best each morning. But how that happens will look very different in every household:

  • For some it will simply be making sure there is clean laundry. The most important thing is to always have clean undergarments, right? Therefore, you make sure he likes what he has, and then you buy another week or two worth of socks and undergarments. You keep 10 in his drawer, and the rest in a place that isn’t used often, such as a bottom drawer. Then, if laundry gets behind due to illness, travel, or general busyness, you simply take a week’s worth out of the bottom drawer and put it into the correct drawer. It’s a simple solution to ensure that you’ll never feel like a failure in this area.
  • For other couples it will include helping him select an outfit. Some men are colorblind. Some men need help choosing colors and styles that match, but other men will resent your interference as trying to “change him.” Don’t just assume that he wants your help, even if you think he needs it. Ask him if he’d like your help.
  • For others it will simply be a visual inspection for lint, stains, stray hairs, or strings that need clipping before the good-bye kiss. Keep a basket by the door that contains a lint remover, small scissors, nail clippers, cough drops, etc. And be sure there is a mirror hung by the door through which you both leave.
    • Did you know that men who kiss their wife before going to work generally make more money? If you don’t do this, it’s a good reason to begin. And don’t make it perfunctory! Let him look forward to your hug and kiss each morning as a promise to come home to.

Similarly, the more you care for your baby’s, toddler’s, and older children’s needs without handing them off to another, the more delight you will experience overall.  Those who put the most into mothering get the most out of it.

A God-given benefit is that the more we serve and touch, the more oxytocin is released in us to make us feel good!

It even holds true with things.  The harder the work, such as painting your house, the more pleased you generally are with the outcome. The more time you spend in caring for your home, the more you declutter it, scrub it, clean it, paint it, decorate it, and live in it, the more you’ll love where you call home. (So if you don’t like where you live – get busy!)

Painting the outside of your house together is a great family activity to instill a good work ethic in your children. It will show them that this huge job is doable, that it can be tackled, and that you don’t have to call in a professional!

The more time you spend caring for your home and family, the more you will love where you live, and the more love you will bestow on your family.

This is also why you shouldn’t live with a man before marriage.  You will find yourself doing things for him, but if he isn’t marriage-minded, you’ll be left crying when he moves on.

Remember way back in Video 6 when we discussed Creating Desire? Miss Innocent’s eyes “…would not fascinate Johnny thus if there was in them the slightest shadow, so far as Johnny is concerned, of criticism, suspicion, or disrespect.”

  • It is when girlfriends and wives start criticizing and disrespecting their man that he becomes susceptible to other women who show him approval, appreciation, and respect. (And of course, this often happens at work.)
  • Look at your man through another woman’s eyes and you might be surprised at what she sees!
  • Approval, appreciation, and respect are key to awakening a man’s desire for you.

Under Miss Innocent’s eyes, Johnny “…believes himself a better man than he ever before thought himself, looks upon his past performances as unworthy of his true character, and confidently expects his future life to justify her exalted conception of him.”

When you show him he is worthy in your eyes, he begins to live up to your expectations. YOU give him the desire to work and excel.

The story continues, “So long as the eyes of Her Innocence continue this flattering behavior, just so long will Innocent herself be to him an irresistible and inescapable magnet — unless other eyes should come along which behave even more flatteringly.”

  • This explains why it is so easy for movie stars to cheat. There are always a plethora of eyes to look at him more flatteringly than his wife for whom the illusion has been shattered.
  • It also explains why, if you are in a slump in your own marriage, you need to:
    • pray to God that you begin to see your husband as God sees him,
    • and as other women see him, and to
    • become the wife your husband desires.

Stop wishing that he will change into your dream husband, and instead try to become his dream wife. Work on changing yourself, and you will find that you will begin to see your husband with new, more flattering, eyes. Once you make him the happiest guy in the neighborhood, you will find that all of the sudden he becomes the dream husband you have been desiring!

Begin by asking God to change you into the woman He wants you to be.

Love is Blind

Throughout this movie we see Dorothy McGuire and Robert Young not looking their best. 

 

  • Dorothy said that to prepare for this role she didn’t cut or wash her hair, so that it would look unkempt, lackluster, and sometimes even greasy.
  • You will notice that she slumps her shoulders, as though she is scared to take up much room.
  • Her unplucked eyebrows are too dark, giving her a severe, hooded look.
  • She wore no make-up during the first half of the movie.
  • Her clothes were dark and drab, shabby, and even had little snags and tears.

 

She said all these things contributed to her feeling mousy, put upon, and unloved.  She certainly succeeded in looking homely!

  • As she begins to transform, she washes and cuts her hair. 
  • She brushes it to a high sheen (do you brush your hair 70 to 100 times each night, bringing the oils from the nape of your neck upward, before bed? It DOES make a wonderful difference! From the research I’ve done, we wash our hair too often. Try washing every other day, then work up to 3 days. The brushing helps!)
  • She slowly begins to give it some curl.
  • She matches her eyebrows to her hair now.  Sometimes in real life we need to go darker, but sometimes we do not!
  • She begins plucking and shaping her eyebrows.
  • She begins wearing makeup.  Foundation smooths her complexion and gives her an even sheen. (Try Merle Norman’s lightweight foundation – you won’t know you have it on, but you’ll look better!)
  • Eye make-up dramatizes her eyes.
  • Her shabby clothes are discarded for soft and elegant clothes.
  • She stands up straight and has good posture!
  • She begins to get a sense of her own worth as she cares for herself, and as he cares for her well-being.
  • She begins to love herself.
  • She begins to love him.

May God bless you as you turn your own home into an Enchanted Cottage.

Janine

Be sure to listen to FW pamphlets 1 and 2 to discover the principles behind the creation of this post and video.


 

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