FW 8.1 Removing Barriers to Marriage

Hello, Beautiful Homemakers!  Can you believe we are finally on Pamphlet 8?  We are beginning Chapter 16 "Removing the Obstacles to Marriage."  

"The objections of judgment always stand between desire and action. Those objections must be overcome before you can get him to act upon his desire to marry."

We discuss two barriers to marriage and how to remove them.

His biggest fear is usually that he cannot earn enough to support a wife.  (Our book about newlyweds Bettina and Bob, A Thousand Ways to Please a Husband, also had great advice on this front).

 "If she imagines that the fear of being unable to support a wife is the obstacle, she must proceed to remove it. This is not to be done, of course, by boldly coming out into the open and showing him that he can.  That wouldn't be lady-like, at least before the proposal.  But the following method is both lady-like and effective."

We also discuss How Most Men Propose and believe me, this has nothing to do with how you see the over-the-top proposals on TV and YT!  This part SEEMS out of date - until you watch your man closely and realize it does still hold true today - and that it also only works if you are not living with him.  It is very rare for a man to propose to a woman he is already living with, for a variety of reasons that we have discussed several times before.

We will discover How a Long Engagement Becomes a Short One.  Oftentimes these days it is the woman who is saying a year engagement so that she can plan the wedding of her dreams.  This is so often a huge mistake.  Stop pretending to be a princess starring in a romantic movie and instead plan to have a simple church wedding, being as frugal as you can possibly be.

One ritzy wedding I attended fifteen years ago was at a wedding venue in a prestigious area that cost $40,000 for 125 people!  I couldn't understand why these children were so set on this venue,  because believe me, it was nothing special.  The ceremony took place near a man-made waterfall, but there was no view of anything else.  The meal and dancing was held inside, so that could have been any room, anywhere!  The music was too loud and the gourmet food was just awful!  For forty-thousand dollars!!!  Why?  This could have been held for a fraction of the cost anywhere else and been just as beautiful, and just as memorable!  But it was like wearing a designer label.  It was purely to be able to say, "We got married at ..."  It was bragging rights.

The real problem was that the young 'uns were showing off with this venue - but they were showing off their parents' wealth and not their own.  They were broke.  As most newlywed's are!  

The bride's dad even tried to talk her out of this "dream" of hers and her mother's, and told her he'd give her the same amount in cash for a scaled down wedding to have money left over for a down payment on a house.  She turned him down.  Would you?

Fifteen years later they are still living in an apartment - but thankfully they are still married!  I just wonder if she has any regrets about blowing a down payment for a house on a few hours of dinner and dancing?

Weddings only last a few hours.  Instead, prepare for marriage!  The amount of time, effort, and money you put into a wedding should instead go towards preparing for a fifty-year marriage!

If you are able to instead prepare for marriage, and not a showy big day (and I am NOT suggesting that you skip having a wedding - I'm suggesting that the expense be calmly weighed with the people paying for it - and if you yourselves are paying for it, to be as frugal as absolutely possible!) then you will be demonstrating that you are a worthy wife, a woman to be trusted, and this will help to banish all of his doubts and fears, when he sees you working for the family, not spending to show off.

I also share a story about a former neighbor and his girlfriend who was only in it for the money; obviously, SHE was not a fascinating woman! 

The last three subtitles in Pamphlet 8 are called When a Man's Dependents Stand in the Way, What to Do, and A Method that Conquers Discouragement.  This section probably is more outdated, because few young men today are having to send the bulk of their paychecks back home to mother and little brothers and sisters.  However, if the man you want to marry is divorced, and the majority of his income is supporting his children who live with his ex-wife, that certainly can be a huge barrier to marriage.  Only you will be able to determine if this will be a workable situation for you.  

At one point I make reference to this video, FW 5.2, Why He Won't Marry You:

 

What men look for in a WIFE:

 

 

I hope you have found this information helpful.

Just as I was processing my finished video, this podcast/article from Jennifer Flanders popped into my e-mail, and I just had to share it.  She gives such great reasons of why she is so happy that her daughter eloped after only 10 weeks of dating her now husband, and I thought it went along really well with my video: 

 My Daughter Just Eloped (and why that makes me HAPPY)

The reasons Jennifer gave are GREAT reasons to get married! 

May God bless you as you prayerfully wait for the man God has for you, while becoming the woman He desires you to be,

Janine

PS:  It's time to prepare for Christmas, and I highly suggest listening to Dawn from the Minimal Mom's 5 Christmas Videos.  You can access these 5 special, FREE videos along with her FREE Christmas planner from the description of the following video: