FW 7.6 How to Be Attractive When Angry

 Hello, Beautiful Homemakers!

Let me give you a preview of today's lesson.  I saw a scenario once in a tourist town - the man wanted pie, and the woman wanted ice cream.  Instead of being a FW, she became a shrew.  She started belittling the man's taste, his weight, she began mocking him, blah, blah, blah.  Whereas all she would have had to do to get her own way, would have been to .... do what we cover in today's lesson! 

 

We are continuing in Pamphlet 7, Chapter 15, Arousing Worship, Adoration, and Love. 

How were our great-great-grandmothers were so successful in capturing the hearts of men?

"They knew how to place themselves on a pedestal and keep themselves there. They knew how to look sincere, and yet drop their eyes, how to be animated and yet seem timid, how to blush, how to lay a hand ever so lightly on a man's coat sleeve, how to shake hands with an eager beginning and before the clasp was scarcely begun shyly to draw the hand away." 

 

"It is not only the man who wobbles the pedestal. Most often the girl herself does it.  ESPECIALLY IS THIS TRUE WHEN SHE DISPLAYS ANGER. ... At such times she is likely to publish to the world that her sweet tenderness is nothing less than a fraud and a pretense...."

I remember watching a movie where the main character, a dad in his 40’s who was floundering, began cussing a lot.  Eventually, HIS dad started cussing up a blue-streak at him.  The son was flabbergasted.  It sounded so crass coming from his upstanding father.  And of course, he then realized how he sounded to his own wife and kids.  And he was able to change.  We can change, too. 

Today, I hear or see cuss words everyday, and I’m not at a worksite. I see it on stickers on trucks, in online articles, in newer books, and hear it on YouTube videos, in movies and in songs, at restaurants or when walking in other crowded areas,  on news shows, and the latest, in huge letters on billboards with an asterisk in place of one letter.

Proverbs 18 has many wise sayings, including:

¹⁹ An offended friend is harder to win back than a fortified city.
    Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with bars.

²⁰ Wise words satisfy like a good meal;
    the right words bring satisfaction.

²¹ The tongue can bring death or life;
    those who love to talk will reap the consequences.

• We cannot control what people say in public, but we can control ourselves (and we can ask Jesus for help).
• We can also rid our home of all magazines that have terrible articles and advertisements. 
• We can say ‘no’ to sports magazines with inappropriate images, “funny” stickers, or graphic tees that are unedifying. 
• We can say no to our children hanging up unedifying posters. 
• We can say no to tv programs and certain books we deem unworthy. 
• We can start cleaning up our home life by just throwing things out, and saying “NO” to anything that is not edifying.

We really do have the POWER to change what happens in our home.  It is even more powerful when your husband is onboard as well, leading the way.  

Remember, too, what the Bible says about using the God's name, the Lord's name, as a cuss word.   The KJV says, "

The NLT says, "You must not misuse the name of the Lord your God.  The Lord

Listen to what you say.  Is it a euphemism for the Lord's name?  Gee Whiz is a euphemism for Jesus.  Gosh darn. Golly gee.  Even "shut" doesn't sound good, nor does "fudgsicle" - one I USED to use.  My favorite now is "clinkers" - small pebbles that were a by-product from burning coal in furnaces!  I learned that one from an old children's book I was reading to my son.  The mother suggested it to her daughter instead of a euphemism for the Lord's name.

The Right Way to Be Angry is the next subsection.

"Her very frowns are fairer far Than smiles of other maidens are."

"...your anger, your sauciness, your willfulness, must be mostly pretense..." to bring out a contrast between you and him. When done cleverly, it gives him a feeling of joy, because he feels more of a man and hero.  

"Peevishness [irritability] which arouses such a satisfactory feeling within him will certainly not annoy him, and it prevents the dead perfection of the angelic side from becoming cloysome [wearisome]."

You aren't  expected to be a perfect little angel all the time.  You are allowed to show your emotions!  But if you haven't yet proved that you have a worthy character, often being loving, kind and joyful, you will fall off your pedestal because you are often irritable, snapping, or unkind, which proves your selfishness; always wanting things to go your own way.  THAT is wearisome!

The pamphlets are talking about how to show irritation in a childlike way, not in an angry, haughty, shrewish way! 

Remember that childlikeness looks nothing like childishness!  Children tend to be trustful, teachable, believing, forgiving, honest, and outspoken.  Handling marital matters in this way can bring harmony to a marriage and prevent minor disagreements from blowing up into major arguements.

The next subsection is How to Be Attractively Naughty.

No sarcasm!  We cover what to do in the video.  

"...to protect and care for such a delightfully human little creature would be nothing less than a delight."

[For me, this is the most difficult part of FW - I just want to REACT!  Fly off the handle!  But we must p a u s e.  Consider.  Act.  Choose our words with care and childlikeness!]

Ever notice how some girls who are "little spitfires, independent and saucy, are often much sought after by the men"?  

"But this waywardness MUST be the archly innocent waywardness of a child and NOT the intractable stubbornness of a woman well able to kill her own snakes."

"A still more fascinating thing about it, however, is that the pedestal wobbles, but the woman stays on."  

Don't fling barbs back in his face.  A simple "Ouch!" can work wonders!

Childlike anger is cute and adorable.  Real anger is ugly and unbecoming.

I go over righteous anger versus selfish anger and the difference that shows on your face! (Try looking in the mirror when you are angry.)

Petulance is a selfish anger that is unreasonable, irritable, or sulky.  People who are often moody, ill-tempered, or easily angered are all portraying selfish, childish anger.

Occasionally we need to get our husband's attention by being saucy and stamping our foot to show our displeasure, but this is a playful, childlike anger, not a selfish, petulant anger.

Sarcasm and anger tears another person down.  Childlike anger doesn't do that.  It just lets your wishes be made known.  You put your hands on your hips and turn your back on him, then coyly glance over your shoulder and call him a "big brute," with a gleam in your eye that says, "How do you like that, buster?"  THAT works.  THAT will make him laugh and possibly give in!

Sauciness HAS to be done CORRECTLY, with innocence.  A truly selfish person is unable to pull this off.

But many women would never dream of doing this.  They call it manipulative.  Instead, they tear down their husband until one day he just ups and leaves.  Whereas we FWs call childlikeness "play-acting."  It's a GAME that we learned about many pamphlets ago.  It's much more fun to win because our man willingly gives in because he adores us!  And then, on other occasions, we willingly give in to his whims.  But a man will never adore a sarcastic woman who tears him down!

Why Every Man "Wobbles the Pedestal."

"The man is perennially interested in discovering whether the woman is the sweet, pure, and wholesome creature she affects to be."

May God bless you ladies as you learn to let your displeasure be made known in a childlike way, instead of the usual ugly, petulant, angry way.

Janine