FW 6.8 More Mistakes to Avoid with Men

Hello, Beautiful Homemakers!  We are continuing chapter 13 of pamphlet 6 of the original 1922 Fascinating Womanhood pamphlets.  

 

We had just discussed Mistakes That Drive Men Away and I want to delve into the last paragraph a bit more.  Let me recap the most relevant point:

If he discovers that you are naturally appreciative of others, then he will not fear that you will ridicule him or show contempt when he confides his ideals and ambitions to you.  "If, on the contrary, he suspects that you are naturally critical and scornful, with an eye open for every fault you can find in those around you, he will be afraid to expose his own intimate feelings to your criticism and contempt."

HOW are we going to to avoid the mistake of constant criticism?

First, we have to decide what type of wife we are going to be.  Am I going to be the kind of wife that builds him up, or tears him down?  Proverbs 14:1 tells us that "The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish woman tears it down with her own hands."  When you tear down your husband, when you berate him, or even THINK bad thoughts about him, you are tearing down your own house.  You are setting your marriage up for failure!

The trap of constant criticism is easy to fall into, especially with your husband, and even with your children, and we must guard against it, and ask for forgiveness when we do it.  

Let me give you an example: Let's say you married a very careful man and you liked how careful he was. It made you feel so secure!  He has checklists and double-checks things.  He researches the best way to do things, and is careful with his money, etc.  You marry him and everything is bliss for the first few years, but then his carefulness begins to grate on you. His double-checking just begins to annoy you.

One day you and your little family are heading out to dinner and the wind is colder than you expected.  You dressed to look cute, and not for warmth, and your little ones aren't dressed warmly enough either. You all start racing off to the restaurant entrance, but as you approach the door you realize that your husband isn't with you!  He's standing in front of the car looking at it, checking to see if it is parked in the best place, and then you notice that he is heading back to the car, pulling on the door handle to make sure that it is locked.  "Of course it is locked, idiot!" you scream inside your head.  "Get to the door already, I'm freezing!  Why is HE SUCH A..."  A what?  A jerk?  Or, Why is he such a careful man?  Isn't that one reason why you married him?  Because he was careful?  Because his carefulness made you feel secure?  

Remember that WHATEVER attracted you to him in the first place can easily become a thorn in your side, if you let it. If you feed those thoughts.  And remember: IT RUNS BOTH WAYS.  What he found attractive in you at first can drive him nuts, later.  

So when you start to grumble in your head, "WHY does he do such and such.  WHY is he such a dope?  Why, why, WHY?" you must nip that in the bud and take it to Christ to renew your mind.  

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.  Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. That's from Romans 12:2 (NLT).

When you catch yourself denigrating someone you love in your mind, no matter who it is, you need to change your thoughts.  Say a quick prayer for forgiveness and ask the Lord to transform your thinking.  

Tell yourself, "I am so glad I married such a careful man.  What if we had exited the restaurant to discover that we had forgotten to lock our car and it had been rifled through and such and such was stolen?"  

And then say aloud to him, "Thank you for being so careful about our belongings.  I admire that about you.  I was so cold I ran into the restaurant; I'm glad that I can count on you to look out for our possessions.  Next time I'll have to remember to bring a sweater so that we can walk up together and you can open that heavy door for me."  There.  You've just thanked him for what he did, built him up, AND you hinted about how you'd like the scenario to go in the future.

SIN begins in our mind with what we think about. We think a sinful thought before we act upon it, don't we?  We may push away a bad thought, but if it comes back to us, we may dwell upon it a little longer.  And if we keep doing this, pretty soon it may not look quite as bad to us as it did in the beginning.  We've pondered the idea and become used to it.  It may take days, or it may take years, but what you dwell on, what you think about, affects HOW you act.  We've talked before that this is how adultery happens.  You don't wake up one morning and decide to be with someone other than your spouse.  No, the person who commits adultery has dwelt upon that scenario in their mind for weeks, months, or maybe even years.

SO THINK THE BEST THOUGHTS ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND!  And remember to praise him aloud.  Remember to laugh a lot and be JOYFUL.

Now we are going back to the secular pamphlets, but keep in mind that they are actually trying to warn you about falling into the "too critical and quarrelsome" trap, which the book of Proverbs speaks much of! They want you to have a lovely, and worthy character, and God wants you to have that, too.  It's mentioned many times throughout the Bible. 

NOTE:  In my last video I told a story that I thought came from the book Dandelion Wine by Ray Bradbury.  I bought the book and cannot find the story in it!  Sorry about that.  I must have been reading 2 books simultaneously, or else it was in another Ray Bradbury book.

Then I delve into the last chapter of pamphlet 6. We are finishing up Chapter 13 and the subsections covered are Common Mistakes to Avoid, Inspiring the Man's Confidence and Secrets That are Shared (along with my comments).

A beautiful woman who is negative, critical, unappreciative, snobbish, has no sympathy for others, who yells, is always unhappy, and is unplease-able, is ugly to all.  She may catch a man's eye, but she cannot sustain his interest.  I go over the other five stages that we have uncovered in these last six pamphlets, as outlined in pamphlet one.

I speak about being too critical and tell a few stories.  Be please-able.  Look for the best in people. "Search for the good qualities in everyone you meet and show your appreciation of them. This is the easiest way to develop a beautiful, confidence-inspiring, and adorable character in yourself.  Unless you do this, it will be impossible for you to act the part of Angela Human, the woman who is most attractive to men."

 

Books I mention:

Louisa May Alcott's "Jack and Jill" and "The Old Fashioned Girl." 

ALL of the Anne of Green Gables books - in fact, ANY of the books written by Lucy Maud Montgomery.

Pollyanna

Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm

The Secret Garden, The Little Princess, and Little Lord Fauntleroy, all three by Frances Hodgson Burnett

Heidi

All of Grace Livingston Hill's books.  Marcia Schuyler, based on a true story, is a FW, while her sister Kate has FW traits, but not a worthy character.  Her books help you develop a lovely character.

You can be a "story book" wife and mother! 

Secrets of Fascinating Womanhood by

The Surrendered Wife and The Empowered Wife by Laura Doyle

Fascinating Womanhood by Helen Andelin (and the Fascinating Girl for unmarried women).

(When I cover Biblical Womanhood I will go over how I trained my child, as I mentioned.) 

Gone Away Lake and Return to Gone Away by Elizabeth Enright.  She also wrote The Melendy Series:  The Saturdays, The Four Story Mistake, Then There were Five, and Spiderweb for Two (a sweet, mini-mystery).

Peggy Parish's Liza, Bill, & Jed Mystery series: Key to the Treasure, Clues in the Woods, The Haunted House, Pirate Island Adventure, The Mystery of Hermit Dan, and The Ghosts of Cougar Island [all not a bit scary, just lovely fun for children and the adults reading to them].

All of Catherine Woolley's Ginnie book [except Ginnie and the Mystery Light] especially Ginnie and the New Girl, and Ginnie and the Cooking Contest (lovely homey books).

Books like the ones I've mentioned help make your life beautiful!  READ to yourself, and most of all, READ to your CHILDREN! A lot!  An hour each evening before bed, minimum. Nothing you do for them will matter as much as reading to them.

And there is one more thing that I didn't mention on the video, and wish that I had:  You can give your children something that will last forever.  The only thing that you can pass on to your children that they will have forever is the Word of God.  Don't neglect to read them the Word at their appropriate age level. (See my post "Life in Order" for recommended Bible books that are engaging for young eyes and ears.)

I end with the last subsection of pamphlet six, Secrets That are Shared (along with my comments), all about betraying confidences, and disparaging people.  To summarize:

1. Show an appreciative and friendly interest in him,
2. Show that you appreciate others,
3. Hold sacred the confidences of others.
   

The pamphlet authors also said, "If you don't agree with his ideals, you must appreciate the character and motives behind them."  But if you don't agree with his ideals, then you are not on the same page, and you should let him go.  You need to be with a man whose ideals you can appreciate.

Look for the good in your man.  Help him raise his ideals if they aren't up to God's standards. Look for a worthy man.  And you must be worthy, yourself! I tell a few stories to illustrate this.

May God bless you!

Janine